Negotiation is a useful skill. If you are buying a house, negotiating the price of a used car, interviewing for a job, asking for a raise, or trying to avoid paying retail, a few good negotiating techniques can save you money and improve your position. In extreme situations, professional negotiators even use carefully developed techniques to communicate with kidnappers and hostage takers. Good negotiators gather information, establish leverage, ask strategic questions, trade concessions, and always know when they are willing to walk away.

So I started wondering whether some of those techniques might improve my negotiations with God.

After all, I have certainly tried negotiating with Him. “Lord, if You will just do this…” “God, I have been faithful about that…” “Surely this situation would turn out better if You would only…” Perhaps my problem was not that I was trying to negotiate with God. Perhaps I simply needed better technique.

I found six of the best negotiating principles I could think of and decided to give them a try.

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It did not go quite as planned.

Tip #1: Do Your Research

Any good negotiator does his homework. Imagine buying a used car without knowing its market value, maintenance history, accident record, or how long it has been sitting on the dealer’s lot. You would be negotiating against someone who probably knows far more about the transaction than you do. Information closes that gap. The more you know about what the other person knows, wants, fears, or does not know, the stronger your position becomes.

The same thing works when buying a house. Perhaps the seller desperately needs to close before purchasing another property. Maybe the house has already fallen out of escrow twice. Perhaps comparable homes are selling for considerably less. Suddenly the asking price does not look quite as immovable as it did before. Even when one party appears more powerful, information can restore some balance. So the first rule seemed obvious: before negotiating with God, I needed to do my research and find something He had overlooked.

There was only one problem. Apparently God has already done His research.

Isaiah 40:14 asks, “Whom did He consult to enlighten Him?” Think about the staggering implication. God has never needed an expert. He has never requested a second opinion because the problem exceeded His knowledge. He has never discovered an unexpected variable halfway through a decision. He has never said, “I had not thought of that.” His understanding is infinite (Psalms 147:5), and His wisdom is unsearchable (Romans 11:33). I could research the situation for the rest of my life and never possess one piece of information that was missing from the mind of God. So Tip #1 failed rather spectacularly. But perhaps information was not the right approach. Good negotiators have another powerful technique.

Tip #2: Set the Anchor

Negotiators often try to establish the starting point of a discussion. Suppose a car is advertised for $30,000. If the salesman begins by explaining why $30,000 is already an incredible bargain, he has established one frame for the conversation. But if the buyer begins with evidence that similar vehicles are selling for $24,000, he has tried to establish another. The first credible number can become an “anchor” around which the rest of the negotiation moves.

Salary negotiations can work the same way. If an employer begins with $70,000, the conversation may revolve around that number. But if a well-qualified candidate demonstrates that comparable positions command $90,000, the entire discussion changes. Even when you do not control the final decision, controlling the starting assumptions can give you influence. Therefore, my second strategy for negotiating with God seemed promising: establish reality before He does.

Then I remembered the opening sentence of the Bible.

When Isaiah describes God measuring oceans in His hand and weighing mountains as though they were placed upon scales, he is deliberately stretching human language toward the incomprehensible greatness of the Creator. The Pacific Ocean that overwhelms us is not overwhelming to Him. The heavens whose distances escape our imagination were “marked off” by Him. “The earth is the LORD’S, and the fulness thereof” (Psalms 24:1). I cannot establish a frame of reference outside the One who created the frame. I cannot redefine good and evil for the One whose character is perfectly holy. I cannot establish better terms for the One who established the universe. Tip #2 was not looking especially promising either. Still, the best negotiators know that information and anchoring are not everything. What I really needed was leverage.

Tip #3: Find Your Leverage

Leverage is the thing the other party wants badly enough that losing it would hurt. Consider an employee asking for a raise. If he walks into the boss’s office saying, “I would really like more money,” he may not have much bargaining power. But suppose he possesses specialized knowledge that is difficult to replace, competitors are trying to hire him, and the company’s largest project depends upon his experience. Now the conversation is different. The employer needs something the employee possesses.

A homebuyer may find leverage when a seller must relocate quickly. A shopper gains leverage when several stores sell the same product. Even a seemingly powerful person can become negotiable when he needs something from the weaker party. That gave me an idea. Perhaps I simply needed to identify something God really needed from me. My service? My money? My abilities? My worship? Surely there must be something I could place on my side of the table that would make Him think twice about saying no.

Psalms 50 ruined that strategy rather quickly.

This power difference is infinitely greater than the difference between an employee and a multinational corporation. Corporations still need employees. Kings need subjects. Generals need soldiers. Wealthy buyers still need someone willing to sell. Even kidnappers who appear to hold overwhelming power usually want something, which is precisely why negotiation is possible. But the living God says, “The world is mine.” The oxygen I breathe while presenting my proposal belongs to Him. The mind I use to formulate my argument was created by Him. The strength I planned to offer in His service came from Him in the first place. I had discovered the ultimate leverage problem: everything I could possibly put on the table was already His. Tip #3 was a disaster. Fortunately, skilled negotiators have ways of influencing people even when they possess very little leverage.

Tip #4: Ask Calibrated Questions

Sometimes the best negotiator is not the person who talks the most but the person who asks the best questions. A carefully chosen question can make another person reconsider assumptions without feeling attacked. In a job interview, asking, “What would success in this position look like after six months?” may reveal what the employer really values. In a tense negotiation, asking, “How am I supposed to accomplish that?” can force the other party to confront a problem from your perspective.

This principle can even help negotiators in extreme situations where the physical power imbalance could hardly be greater. A hostage negotiator cannot simply order an armed captor to become reasonable. He listens, asks questions, identifies concerns, and tries to guide the person toward seeing alternatives. So perhaps this was the answer. Instead of trying to overpower God, I could ask questions skillfully enough to help Him consider my point of view. Maybe there was an angle He had not fully considered.

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Then Isaiah asked a calibrated question of his own.

Job learned this distinction in unforgettable fashion. For many chapters Job wanted answers from God. Then, in Job 38, God spoke from the whirlwind and began asking questions: “Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth?” Suddenly the interview had been rearranged. Job was not foolish because every question he had asked was dishonest. He was humbled because encountering God revealed the enormous distance between the creature’s perspective and the Creator’s wisdom. By Job 42:3 he confessed that he had spoken about things too wonderful for him to know. Tip #4 therefore failed. Apparently I was not going to talk God into seeing a problem from a perspective He had overlooked. But perhaps negotiation could still work through an exchange.

Tip #5: Trade Concessions

Negotiation often works because both parties surrender something in order to receive something they value more. “I will accept your price if you include the appliances.” “I can finish the project by Friday if you give me another engineer.” “I will agree to a smaller salary increase if you increase my vacation time.” Neither party gets everything, but both walk away with something important.

This may be the form of negotiating with God that feels most familiar. “Lord, if You get me through this crisis, I promise I will go back to church.” “God, if You give me this job, I will be more generous.” Or perhaps the bargaining looks backward: “Lord, I have served You faithfully for years. Surely I deserve this.” We may never say that God owes us, but sometimes our prayers quietly place our obedience on the table as though He were required to provide something comparable in return.

Then Paul asks a devastating question.

Imagine trying to negotiate with the owner of a store by offering him merchandise you took from his own shelves. That would be audacious enough. Yet our supposed bargaining position before God is weaker still because He did not merely own the shelves. He created the material from which the building, the merchandise, the customer, and the earth beneath them were made. David understood this when Israel gave generously for the temple: “All things come of thee, and of thine own have we given thee” (1 Chronicles 29:14). Tip #5 was another failure. But one great negotiating principle remained. This one is often considered the ultimate source of bargaining power.

Tip #6: Be Prepared to Walk Away

Experienced negotiators know that desperation destroys leverage. If you absolutely must buy this particular house, own this particular car, or accept this particular job, the other party possesses enormous power. But if you have alternatives, you can say, “Thank you, but that does not work for me,” and leave. In negotiation theory, your strongest alternative to the present agreement is extraordinarily important because it establishes the point at which you no longer need the deal.

A car salesman knows the difference between a customer who says, “This is the only vehicle my heart has ever wanted,” and one who says, “I have appointments at three other dealerships this afternoon.” So I finally arrived at my strongest possible strategy for negotiating with God. I would remind the Creator that I had options. If His terms were unacceptable, perhaps I could simply take my business elsewhere.

Then David asked where “elsewhere” might be.

This is where the negotiating metaphor finally collapses completely. I can walk out of a dealership because another dealer exists. I can reject a job because another employer may hire me. A nation may negotiate with another nation because neither possesses absolute sovereignty. But there is no “away” from the Creator. Every road on which I might attempt to leave belongs to Him. Every star toward which I might flee was made by Him. Every breath I would use to announce my independence remains His gift. Tip #6 was supposed to provide my greatest leverage. Instead, it exposed the truth I had been avoiding from the beginning.

The Problem Was Never My Negotiating Technique