7 Characteristics of a Real, Genuine, Sincere Apology

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A real apology, which only comes from a person that is truly sorry, is a request for mercy and forgiveness. It is like the Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control), which cannot be artificially added on from the outside, but flows out from a pure heart. A real, genuine, sincere apology is a blessing. But, nothing is worse than a faint apology, a false apology, a fake apology, or a non-apology.

What is an apology?

a • pol • o • gy (noun)
A written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.

A real, genuine, sincere apology is more than just a confession of wrongdoing. It is really a request for mercy and forgiveness; therefore, it needs to do more than just confess. The 7 characteristics of a real, genuine, sincere apology are…

1) RECOGNITION and REALIZATION — Understanding that you have done something wrong and being able to accurately acknowledge what you did. Call the wrong by name, don’t dilute it by referring to it indirectly with a euphemism. Nothing is worse than a faint apology, after a terrible wrong has been committed, which piously apologizes for some tiny little insignificant part of it or even something else that is unrelated (as in Matthew 5:23). Realize that the wrong has broken your relationship, which can be repaired only by confessing your wrong.

  • Isaiah 59:1-2 Sin separates us from God – God is neither powerless to save nor unwilling to hear. The problem is our sin. Unconfessed wrongdoing damages fellowship and creates a barrier that must be honestly recognized before reconciliation can begin.

2) RESPONSIBILITY — Taking ownership of the blame for the wrong by admitting that you did it. This also means that you are prepared to accept consequences even years later (Galatians 6:7). A fake apology or a non-apology will not accept the responsibility for doing the wrong, it will excuse itself based on circumstances or intent. Don’t be like Saul who pushed the blame onto others (1 Samuel 15:15); instead, consider Shimei’s apology…

  • 2 Samuel 16:5-14 Shimei curses David and throws stones at him – Shimei publicly humiliated David, cursed him repeatedly, accused him of bloodshed, and even threw stones and dirt at him as David fled Jerusalem. His later apology in 2 Samuel 19 was therefore not for a vague misunderstanding, but for a specific, deliberate, and serious offense that he needed to acknowledge and seek forgiveness for.
  • 2 Samuel 19:18-20 “I know I have sinned” – Shimei did not minimize his offense or shift the blame. He plainly acknowledged the wrong he had committed against David, accepted responsibility for it, and came personally to ask for mercy. A genuine apology begins by owning what we actually did.

3) REGRET and REMORSE — Without regret and remorse for the wrong, it’s not even an apology. Regret is “to feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about” the wrongdoing. Remorse is “moral anguish arising from repentance for past misdeeds.” A fake apology can have deep genuine sorrow for getting caught instead of regret and remorse for doing the wrong. Sometimes a non-apology even has real sympathy and concern for the wronged person without accepting the blame. This can be deceiving because of the 2 related meanings of sorry: (1) feeling distress, esp. through sympathy with someone else’s misfortune, and (2) in a poor or pitiful state or condition.

4) WITHOUT RESERVATION — A real, genuine, sincere apology does not add a caveat or an excuse for the wrong. It does not add a reason or a cause for the wrong. These excuses push the blame onto the one who has been wronged. Consider the first 2 kings of Israel: both committed grievous sins, both covered up their sins, both were confronted by a faithful prophet, both apologized, but only one was accepted, the other was rejected. Please read these carefully and prayerfully…

  • 1 Samuel 15:24-26 “I have sinned… for I was afraid of the people” – Saul confessed his disobedience, but immediately explained it by blaming his fear of the people and their demands. His words illustrate the weakness of an apology that admits wrongdoing while still offering an excuse for it.
  • 2 Samuel 12:13-14 “I have sinned against the LORD” – David offered no excuse, justification, or attempt to blame Bathsheba, circumstances, or anyone else. He simply confessed his sin. God forgave him, although the earthly consequences remained, showing that genuine repentance does not erase responsibility for the damage sin has caused.
  • Psalms 51:1-4 “Have mercy on me, O God… for I recognize my rebellion” – David did not minimize his sin after Nathan confronted him. He appealed to God’s mercy, openly acknowledged his guilt, and agreed that God was right to judge him. Genuine remorse does not merely regret the consequences, it sees the wrong for what it truly is and seeks cleansing and forgiveness.

5) REPENTANCE and REVISION — Making a change to keep it from happening again. Don’t keep repeating the wrongdoing and repeating the apology. This makes it seem like you don’t understand the seriousness of the wrong and you aren’t really apologizing for the damage.

  • Romans 12:2 “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” – Genuine repentance should lead to genuine change. Rather than continuing in old patterns, the believer allows God’s truth to reshape the mind, producing a transformed life that increasingly recognizes and follows what is good, pleasing, and consistent with God’s will.
  • Ephesians 4:20-24 “Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature” – A sincere apology should not end with admitting what happened. Biblical repentance turns away from the corrupt patterns of the former life and moves toward a renewed way of thinking and living. The goal is not merely to say different words next time, but to become increasingly righteous and holy in conduct through the Spirit’s renewing work.

6) RESTORATION and RESTITUTION — Attempting to make it right, like Zaccchaeus did when he realized the error of his ways (Luke 19:8). Some wrongs cause so much damage they cannot ever be fully restored, but a real, genuine, sincere apology will include a real, genuine, sincere effort to repair the damage.

  • Leviticus 6:1-7 “Return what you stole… Pay it back in full plus one-fifth more” – Under Israel’s law, confession of wrongdoing was accompanied by restitution. The offender was expected to return what had been taken and repair the loss as far as possible. A genuine apology therefore seeks more than words, it asks, “What can I do to make this right?”

7) REVIVAL — You can live in victory! The exciting thing about a real, genuine, sincere Godly apology, is even though you have been guilty, you can clear yourself and be innocent after the apology. This doesn’t depend on the wronged accepting the apology. This doesn’t depend on the wronged forgiving the wrongdoer. This is the result of a clear conscience before God and man.

  • 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 “Godly sorrow… produced in you… such earnestness… such a readiness to make things right” – Godly sorrow is different from merely feeling bad about consequences. It produces repentance, earnest concern, and a sincere desire to correct the wrong. Genuine remorse becomes visible in changed attitudes and actions that demonstrate a serious determination to deal honestly with sin.

★) REST and RELIEF — When you have committed a wrong against another person, and you don’t make it right, your conscience will be hurt. Some cultures refer to this as damaging your own soul. When you have been wronged, and you don’t forgive, bitterness will build up. When you carry bitterness inside you, it’s like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets hurt. Neither of these is good for you. They can have physical consequences. The solution is rest and relief from apology and forgiveness.

  • Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me… and you will find rest for your souls” – Guilt, shame, and unresolved sin can become heavy burdens, but Jesus invites the weary to come to Him. True rest is ultimately found not in hiding wrongdoing or endlessly condemning ourselves, but in submitting to Christ, receiving His grace, and learning to walk in His ways.
  • 1 Timothy 1:19 “Keep your conscience clear” – Ignoring what we know to be wrong gradually damages the conscience and can bring spiritual ruin. Instead of suppressing guilt or repeatedly violating what God has shown us, believers should cling to Christ, deal honestly with sin, and seek to maintain a conscience that does not accuse them of unresolved wrongdoing.
  • Acts 24:16 “I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people” – Paul deliberately sought to live without unresolved guilt before either God or others. When we have wronged someone, a sincere apology, repentance, and appropriate restitution can be part of pursuing that same goal, a conscience that is clear because we have honestly dealt with what we have done.

ARE YOU READY TO APOLOGIZE? Please do not use this as a recipe for an apology. Please do not use this as a judgment of an apology. But, use this to examine yourself whether you are truly ready to make a godly apology. A faint apology, a false apology, or a non-apology will just make things worse. Do not make any apology until you can make a real, genuine, sincere apology. But, don’t stay that way for long…

  • Proverbs 29:1 “Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery” – Repeatedly rejecting correction hardens a person instead of helping him grow. A sincere apology requires humility that is willing to hear rebuke, admit wrongdoing, and change course before stubbornness produces even greater damage.
  • Proverbs 6:12-15 “Their perverted hearts plot evil, and they constantly stir up trouble” – Scripture warns that habitual deceit and deliberate troublemaking reveal a deeply corrupted pattern of life. An apology cannot repair such a pattern if the lying and manipulation continue. Genuine repentance turns away from deceit rather than merely becoming more skillful at hiding it.
  • Proverbs 6:16-19 “A lying tongue… a false witness… a person who sows discord” – God takes pride, dishonesty, violence, scheming, and division seriously. A genuine apology therefore should not minimize these sins as personality differences or misunderstandings. We must call wrongdoing what God calls it and seek to replace pride, deception, and discord with humility, truth, and peace.
  • Hebrews 3:13 “So that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” – Sin does not merely damage others, it deceives and hardens the person who continues in it. That is why correction should be received promptly. A sincere apology is part of refusing sin’s deception, acknowledging the truth, and responding while the heart is still willing to repent.

When someone apologizes to you, or even if they don’t, you need to forgive them. If this seems impossible, please read:

More information about apology on the web:

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One Reply to “7 Characteristics of a Real, Genuine, Sincere Apology”

  1. Do Lent Generously: Day 18 Apologise

    Apologising isn’t easy, so there are no easier options today. Bite the bullet and say what needs to be said. Choose the most appropriate time and method, and respect the fact that the person may not be able to forgive you straight away. The important thing is to take the first steps to put it right.