Divorce and Remarriage: The Question of Abandonment

6. God’s Judgment against Immorality in the Marriage Relationship — worse than divorce

Early on, after the fall of man, even from people who apparently were not committed to pleasing God, we find they recognized adultery as a serious sin. Pharaoh told Abraham after Sarai obeyed Abraham and said she was his sister, ¹⁶“Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’? I might have taken her as my wife. Now therefore, here is your wife; take her and go your way.” Abimelech, when this happened again, referred to the adultery that could have resulted. ¹⁶“You have brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin?” Those two kings recognized adultery as being a“great sin.”

When God gave the Mosaic Law, there were a number of laws that dealt with immorality. If a man married a wife and felt she was not a virgin, it was the responsibility of the father to produce the¹⁷“evidence of the young woman’s virginity.” If the evidence of her virginity was produced, the man would be fined, and he could not put her away during her lifetime. If the evidence of her virginity could not be produced, she was to be stoned to death. If a man became jealous of his wife and felt she was committing adultery, God provided the ¹⁸“bitter water that brings a curse. “God said of a man or woman who violates the marriage covenant by sexual immorality, ¹⁹“the adulterer and the adulteress, shall surely be put to death. Also under the law, God instructed Israel that one who committed ²⁰incest and one who practiced homosexuality or bestiality should be put to death. This capital divorce punishment liberated the spouse who was currently bound by a marriage covenant (a victim) from the privileges, obligations and duties of the marriage covenant. This enabled them to find ¹⁰“peace” in another marriage relationship if they so desired.

At a time when Israel (still under the Mosaic Law) could not execute those who violated God’s moral laws, the Lord Jesus Christ recognized that immorality violated the marriage bed. Also, it in effect ⁹“separated” what “God has joined together.” Consistent with this the Lord Jesus said, ²¹“whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” The exception allows a man or a woman to be freed from the marriage covenant after their spouse, by the spouse’s actions, in effect “separated what God has joined together.” When Israel could administer God’s justice, the guilty spouse normally would have been killed.

7. God Tolerated Deviation from His Original Intent in Marriage

God’s intention was for one man to be married to one woman until death parted them. God’s intention was that they live moral lives true to the marriage covenant without divorce. God did not tolerate immorality as we have seen above. However, God did not consider having more than one wife to be immorality. There are many examples in scripture of this. In most cases it brought trouble, but God did allow it. Below is a sample list of some of the men in the Hebrew scriptures that had more than one wife.

• LAMECH — GEN 4:19
• ABRAHAM — GEN 16:3
• JERAHMEEL — 1CH 2:26
• ASHHUR — 1CH 4:5
• ESAU — GEN 26:34, 28:9
• JEHOIACHIN — 2KI 24:15
• REHOBOAM — 2CH 11:18
• SHAHARAIM — 1CH 8:8
• ELKANAH — 1SA 1:1 & 2
• SOLOMON — 1KI 11:1-3
• ABIJAH — 2CH 13:21
• JACOB — GEN29:23, 29:28, 30:3, 30:9
• DAVID — ISA 18:27, 25:39, 30:5, 2SA 11:27, 12:8

8. Defrauding of wife was not tolerated under the law even in divorce

God, recognizing that men would take more than one wife, made provisions for a wife in this situation to receive what was her due under the marriage covenant. ²²“He shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights.” “Marriage rights” is an expression that includes the sexual relationship between husband and wife. If the husband would not provide these three,²²“then she shall go out free, without paying money.” The husband is due nothing since he violated the covenant of marriage by defrauding his wife.

Also, God recognized where there was more than one wife, the first wife possibly would not be loved. Therefore, the children of the second wife might be favored when it came time to inherit. God protected the status of the first born whether his mother was loved or not by stating, ²³ “He must not bestow firstborn status on the son of the loved wife…he shall acknowledge the son of the unloved wife as the firstborn.”

Under the Mosaic Law, God’s order was a woman would be ¹⁴“bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives.” God also recognized there would be situations where ²⁴“a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her.” This would put the woman in a bad situation, married to a man who did not love her. God made allowance for the man to give her a ²⁴“certificate of divorce” and send her out of his house. The husband that did this had separated ⁹“what God has joined together.” The woman could then find ¹⁰“peace” in marriage to another man and not be considered an adulteress. The only restriction to this was that she could not return to her first husband after she had married another husband.

9. God’s plan for a husband to nurture and cherish his wife without treachery or divorce

At the beginning God’s intent was, ⁶“a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleave, KJV) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This relationship would provide the needs of both husband and wife physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. The man would draw the woman to him in a relationship of permanence and protection.

Since the fall of mankind on, it is clear the woman’s ¹¹“desire shall be(is) for her husband.” The need and desire for this relationship exists today, the feminist movement to the contrary notwithstanding. Feminists may not like to admit it, but they want the God-designed love, direction, protection and sexual relationship a man is to provide for a woman in the marriage relationship.

Naomi said to Ruth in the love story of Ruth and Boaz, ²⁵“shall I not seek security for you, that it may be well with you?” God’s desire is that a woman find security in the marriage relationship. Unfortunately, because of sin, many men, as well as women, have not lived consistent with God’s intent in either morality or commitment to the covenant of marriage. Therefore, marriage does not result in a place of rest for far too many wives.

God makes it clear that he has a problem with men who do not treat their wives consistent with His wishes. Even in a time when he made allowance for the ⁸“hardness of…hearts,” he said,²⁶“let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce.” Because of Israel’s failure to walk in God’s order in this area God said,²⁶“He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with good will from your hands.” This is very similar to what The Holy Spirit inspired the apostle Peter to write, ²⁷“Husbands, dwell with them(wives) with understanding, giving honor to the wife…that your prayers may not be hindered.”

10. The Lord Jesus and Divorce — (Sexual Immorality is his Focus)

The expressions made by the Lord Jesus Christ, during his earthly ministry, on the subject of divorce and remarriage were made to the Pharisees, His disciples and the apostles. In Matthew 5, the Lord mentions the provision of the law enabling a man to give his wife a ²⁸“certificate of divorce,” and then remarry. However, the Lord limits the situations that rise to that level by saying,²⁸“whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery.” The Lord also places responsibility for the result of ignoring that limitation and abandoning a wife on her husband, “CAUSES her to commit adultery.”

The Jews were apparently granting divorces for what might be called “frivolous” reasons. This would be consistent with the question they asked, ²⁹“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” In Matthew 19, the Lord Jesus limits the application the Jews were making from “for any reason” to ³⁰“except for sexual immorality.” In the expressions from the Lord Jesus, as recorded in Matthew 5:31 & 32 and Matthew 19:9 the only reason stated where a man could initiate divorce and marry another and it would not result in adultery, was a situation where the wife had violated the marriage covenant by committing sexual immorality. Under the Mosaic Law, in earlier times, when Israel was not under the control of the Roman government, the immorality should normally have resulted in death. The death would have freed a husband from the marriage covenant.

In Mark 10:2-12 there is a parallel account of Matthew 19:3 – 10. However, there are two differences. In Mark’s account, there is no mention of the acceptable reason for divorce given in Matthew’s account, ³⁰“except for sexual immorality.” Also, in Mark’s account the same thing is stated about both the man and the woman if they divorce and remarry. ³¹“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery….” and ³²“if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” We need to have Matthew’s account along with Mark’s account to understand all The Holy Spirit had recorded for our learning. Since the same action, divorce and remarriage, results in the same sin, adultery, for both husband and wife, it seems reasonable that the same sin, “sexual immorality,” would cause divorce and remarriage to be an acceptable option for both the husband and wife. This would be consistent with the fact that both the adulterer and the adulteress were to be stoned according to the Mosaic Law.

It is important to realize that the gospel accounts do not contradict each other. Together they give us a complete picture of what the Lord Jesus had to say on the subject of divorce. It is also important to understand that the expressions in the individual passages are not comprehensive in scope, individually. These three expressions do not represent the whole subject of divorce from the woman’s perspective: a.)²⁸“whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery,” b.)³⁰ “whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” and c.) ³²“if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

These expressions are modified by either the fact of “sexual immorality” on the part of the husband or the fact that the husband “divorced” his wife, causing a divorce by separating what “God has joined together.”

If the wife initiated the divorce separation of “what God has joined” (divorced her husband) and remarried without him first having committed sexual immorality, she would be guilty of adultery. If the wife were guilty of “sexual immorality” and her husband divorced her, she would need to deal with her sin in a Godly way. She must confess and forsake. Prior to coming to repentance, she would be described this way, ³³“as a wife treacherously departs from her husband, so have you dealt treacherously with Me, O house of Israel.” But if a husband, unlike God, breaks the marriage covenant (i.e. separates what ⁹“God has joined together” by immorality), then his wife would not commit adultery if she remarried. If her husband separated what God had joined together, simply by divorce without first committing sexual immorality, he would be responsible for “causing” her to commit the act of adultery.” If the wife committed “sexual immorality,” which prompted her husband to divorce her, then in essence she had separated “what God had joined.”

These passages in the gospel accounts are not addressing the subject of divorce from the perspective of the “victim” (the innocent partner). They are speaking from the perspective of the “guilty” partner (the person who would “separate what God has joined.”) The only time explicitly stated in the gospel accounts when divorce is an acceptable option to God is when the one divorced (the one who might otherwise be a “victim”) has already violated the marriage covenant by conduct described as “sexual immorality.”