As a roaming greeter in the hospitality team, David has the unique privilege of talking with dozens to hundreds of visitors every week. He considers each one to be a divine appointment. And he considers each one a friend that he doesn’t know yet. But he only has a few seconds to make meaningful contact with each one. In this post in our series on The Welcoming Church, we will explore some things he has learned over the years.
How does a welcoming church receive visitors?
David and his wife Rachel serve at a church that wants to be a welcoming church. The church has signs asking visitors to turn on their hazard lights. They have parking lot attendants to direct them to a special parking area. They have greeters who try to say hello. They have extensive childcare facilities. They have a welcome booth with gifts for first-time visitors. And they have special seating reserved for them in the sanctuary. Then after the service, they call everyone who filled out a connect card to welcome them to the church and help them take their next steps.
This has been an interesting journey for them. They have experienced many different treatments from genuine friendliness at some churches to indifference and even hostility at other churches. The following examples highlight some different kinds of treatment they received. Yet, if you asked the members of these churches, they would all score themselves a perfect ten out of ten on the friendliness scale. Let’s see if we can separate the wheat from the chaff to see what they have learned.
The Inviting Church – David and Rachel once visited a new church plant, where a friend of theirs was attending. As they walked through the front door, they were met by their friend and several of her friends. They were excited to see them. And they talked about their past church experiences and what this church had to offer. By the time the service started, they already had a very good idea that they would be welcomed into the family. Ironically, the church service itself didn’t resonate with them, but they will never forget how well this genuine welcoming behavior made them feel about the church.
The Dominating Church – Another time, they visited a highly recommended church, where they knew some of the members personally. As they walked through the front door, they were trapped by a lady on the welcoming team. She dominated them with a constant stream of overbearing conversation. She wouldn’t leave them alone and she wouldn’t shut up. She was friendly in her own way but not welcoming. By the time the service started, they had heard her entire life history, and everything about her family, friends, and neighbors. But they hadn’t learned anything about the church or how they could fit in there. And nobody else stepped in to make up the difference. As soon as they could break free, they fled from her clutch into the sanctuary. If they had been looking for a welcoming church, they wouldn’t have gone back.
The Clannish Church – They recently visited a large church with good reviews and a well-written website because they were trying to help a friend find a good local church. After a great service with a nice worship team and a good sermon that involved interactive participation by the Sunday school, everyone exited to the lobby where they visited with each other. Most of them were obviously long-time friends but they completely ignored David and Rachel. After standing alone for a few minutes, they awkwardly navigated their way through the crowd to the complimentary coffee and donuts. On the way, they overheard many of them making plans for lunch. But nobody even said, “Hello,” to them. When they finally reached the welcome center, it looked like it had been attacked by locusts; everything was gone. After about 20 minutes, they finally gave up and started heading towards the exit, but the pastor caught up with them. He saved the whole experience because he was genuinely interested in them. Although he already had other plans for lunch, he recommended several nearby restaurants where they could get an authentic taste of the local cuisine.
All these churches would score themselves a ten out of ten on the friendliness scale. But there is a difference between being friendly and being welcoming. In Luke 9:46-48, the disciples were arguing about who was the greatest. And Jesus said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in My name welcomes Me, and whoever welcomes Me welcomes the One who sent Me. For whoever is the least among all of you, he is the greatest.” This is why Jesus in Luke 18:15-18 rebuked the disciples when they tried to keep children from bothering him, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them! For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
Surely you have overheard this kind of conversation among strangers in a restaurant. Each person is the star of their own world. They love the sound of their own voice. And the most important subject is themselves. Even though there might be three or four people sitting together, it’s not a conversation. Everybody is talking. Nobody is listening. As a result, none of them learn anything about anyone except whoever talks loudest and brags the most. And none of it is probably true.
But it is obvious when true friends are visiting because they put each other first in the conversation. They ask about each other and want to know more about what’s happening. They welcome each other as a valuable source of interesting information. Nobody tries to dominate the conversation or brag the most. And everyone goes away knowing more about each other than they did at the start of the conversation.
Welcoming visitors with friendly conversation
Therefore, when David talks to visitors, he tries to treat them like divine appointments with friends that he doesn’t know yet. He wants to learn their names. He wants to get to know them. He wants to understand why they are visiting their church. He wants to understand what they are looking for. And he wants to know how he can pray for them. But David only has a few minutes with each person, so there is one thing that he tries very hard not to talk about: himself! He doesn’t care if they know his name, or who he is, or what he does, or anything about him. As John the Baptist explained to his disciples in John 3:29, “The friend of the bridegroom stands and listens for him, and is overjoyed to hear the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must increase; I must decrease.”
David has found that most people are willing to talk if you can break the ice. Therefore, 90% of any conversation with a visitor is about breaking that ice. He has found the best way to do this is by asking short open-ended questions that don’t take very much time. Here are some of his favorites:
Are you ready for this? (This simple question allows a simple non-committal response, but also effortlessly opens the door for deeper conversations.)
Do you know where you’re headed? (This easy question doesn’t offend anyone but gives an open invitation to ask for directions, and the following discussion is a golden opportunity.)
How is life treating you? (David likes this question much better than the standard, “How are you doing?” because we hear that one so often that we automatically respond, “Good! You?” even if something tragic is happening in our life. Whereas this question prompts for a little more personal answer. But he is a little shy about it because the angriest retort ever came from a man who said, “What do you mean, life doesn’t treat you.” and then launched into an epic rant against everything and everyone.)
How long have you been attending here? (This is an easy question to break the ice, which works just as well for long-time members as first-time visitors, and it gives a wonderful opportunity to learn how to serve them better. What’s more, this provides an easy segue into the continuation prompts described below.)
Where are you visiting from? (This is a great question because it doesn’t pry, and everyone is familiar with their own environment, so they are usually comfortable talking about it.)
What brings you here today? (This is a great open-ended question because it helps you meet their expectations.)
Is it a good story? (This is David’s favorite question to ask someone in a cast or brace because it invites them to talk about something that is a really big part of their life right now. And once the ice is broken, the conversation can lead anywhere.)
What attracted you here? (This question gives valuable insight because it allows them to describe their journey, in their way, on their terms, without prying.)
Remember, it’s not about you. You are not the star. They didn’t come because of you. However, you will be remembered forever as the friendliest person in the world if you listen with genuine active interest. Especially if you remember their name. And bonus points if you can remember their name the next time you see them.
And everybody is different so no two people will respond the same way to the same question. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in interacting with people. And don’t worry if it feels awkward at first because the purpose is always to glorify God. Remember, the Apostle Paul said he was willing to be considered a fool for Christ’s sake. Not foolish talking or coarse joking. But it’s okay to be weak because Jesus Christ is strong.
Continuing the conversation
After the brief opening question and an almost automatic reply, it can seem like there’s nothing else to say. When this happens, a continuation prompt can be helpful to keep the conversation flowing. Here are some ideas to try:
How interesting! Wow, how did you cope? That sounds challenging! Tell me more about that. And then what happened? (Most people will give a short answer to most questions, but you can get them to open up by expressing genuine interest in the rest of the story.)
Is there anything happening in your life that we can pray about? Can we pray about that right now? (When you know something good or bad is happening in someone’s life, then it is a good time to stop and pray. Short! Sincere! Appropriate! Remember, The Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 is only 66 words, which takes about 30 seconds to say.)
Do you attend any other services? Are you part of a small group? (This is a great question because it is easy to answer and provides an opportunity to talk about developing community and deeper Bible study.)
What is your next step here? Have you been baptized? Have you considered volunteering? (David admits that he doesn’t have this wired yet, but he likes to ask something about serving in some of the ministries.)
Try not to fall into the trap of saying the same things all the time. This will start to sound scripted and robotic, which will push people away. Don’t be afraid to change things up until you find the style that works for you. And if something doesn’t work, it is okay to admit your fallible human nature with a comment like, “Well that didn’t sound like what I meant,” or “I’m sorry, that sounded better in my head.”
Some important arithmetic
Let’s consider a hypothetical example of greeting three people in the 15 minutes before each service. That only allows about five minutes with each person. That time will fly past before you even know it. And you will never get another chance for that first conversation. So don’t waste it.
Let’s work out the math of a five-minute conversation. This is approximately long enough to walk one football field of about 300 feet. This is long enough for about 750 words if you speak at an average rate of 150 words per minute. Therefore, if you are concentrating on getting the other person to talk, you should only speak about 10-15% of the time, which is between 75 and 112 words. That’s about the length of this paragraph. Don’t waste that precious time.
What about when it doesn’t work?
For what it’s worth, David is uncomfortable with asking someone about their salvation until he has known them for more than just a few moments. This is because every visitor has their own story, with their own experiences, that only makes sense in their own context, and he doesn’t want to put them under that kind of pressure all at once. Once the ice is broken and they are comfortable talking, it will all come tumbling out. But David has all the time in the world because this is a divine appointment.
Furthermore, David avoids topics like sports, politics, or hobbies because many people spend way too much time and energy on those things. Sometimes to the point of making them into idols. Therefore, it is better to veer away from topics like that when welcoming someone into church where you want them to “set their mind on things above” as described in Colossians 3:1-2. If you have any other ideas or favorite opening lines or continuation prompts, please let us know or join the conversation below.
But sometimes, no matter what David does, it doesn’t work. So, he doesn’t try too hard to monopolize anyone. Maybe the Lord has appointed a different divine appointment for them. If he tried to monopolize their time and force a conversation, he might be fighting against God’s plans for them. Remember the account of Uzza in 2 Samuel 6, who had the best intentions in the world when he reached out to stabilize the ark of the covenant, but it didn’t end well for him. So, leave room for the Holy Spirit to work in their lives. Or maybe the Lord has appointed a different divine appointment for David that he would miss if he tried too hard with someone who was resisting too much. But don’t give up too easily, especially on the third or fourth encounter, because maybe the Lord wants to use your persistence to break through the barriers.
And occasionally, David will receive an angry, abrupt retort. But he doesn’t take it personally. Instead, he has learned to treat it as another divine appointment. He takes the opportunity to pray (privately in his own heart) for that person to receive the peace of God described in Philippians 4:7 that is beyond understanding in whatever struggle they are going through right now.
Welcoming is more than just talking
David considers it a personal challenge to meet as many new visitors as possible. And he is horrified when someone tells him that they have been coming for several weeks, and he is the first person to talk to them. How did they manage to slip through the cracks and get ignored for so long?
He wants each person to feel like they are the center of his universe right now because he considers these to be divine appointments. And just like Jesus needed to go out of his way to go through Samaria to talk with the woman at the well in John 4, David needs to go out of his way to help visitors. Therefore, he spends lots of time getting intimately familiar with their church. What is happening. What are the schedules. What services are offered. Where are the different ministries located. Who can help answer this person’s questions. Etc., etc., etc.
And just like the helpers at Home Depot, David has learned to never answer a question about where something is by pointing. Or worse, by saying, “Go over there, up that ramp, turn to the right, past the amphitheater, and go through the double-doors into the gymnasium.” Instead, he always tries to say, “Let me take you there.” This is another divine appointment. The next five minutes will be the most valuable time he will ever have with this person or family. So don’t waste it! Use the time to get to know them and answer their questions but don’t act like a tour guide. You know the drill: walking backward, talking with a loud slow deep voice, describing what is on my left and your right.
Here are some additional resources:
- Christian Hospitality – Christian hospitality is an expression of God’s love through His people living out Jesus’ command to love our neighbors as ourselves.
- Cultivating a Heart of Hospitality – Cultivating hospitality to demonstrate tangible expressions of God’s love to live out Jesus’ command to love our neighbors as ourselves.
- How to Be a Roaming Greeter in a Welcoming Church – Bible-based guidelines for the role of a roaming greeter that is critical to building a truly welcoming church.
- “Becoming a Welcoming Church” by Thom S. Rainer offers a fresh, biblically grounded approach to creating an environment where every visitor feels cherished and supported. Rainer provides practical guidance for assessing your current hospitality methods, encouraging you to open your heart and church doors with Christ-like sincerity. By emphasizing genuine care, personal connection, and attentive follow-up, the book helps us embody the warmth and acceptance Jesus modeled throughout His ministry. Rainer challenges readers to look beyond weekly routines and invest time in understanding guests’ needs, ultimately helping them find a spiritual home within the congregation. Through honest evaluation, strategic improvements, and fervent prayer, “Becoming a Welcoming Church” equips believers with the tools needed to greet newcomers with open arms and hearts. This resource encourages us to embrace the biblical call to love one another, ensuring that visitors not only come through our doors, but stay and flourish in Christ’s family.
- “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie aligns well with our biblical call to love our neighbors and show genuine hospitality. In this classic resource, Carnegie teaches timeless principles for engaging warmly with others—truly listening, offering sincere praise, and putting their needs before our own. By applying these lessons, we can help newcomers feel seen, valued, and at ease within our church family. As believers, we desire to reflect Christ’s heart of compassion and understanding toward every visitor. Carnegie’s insights remind us that Christ-like friendship isn’t about manipulation; it’s about authenticity, patience, and humility. If we aspire to make our guests feel like part of our faith community, reading and applying the wisdom found in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” can help us become more welcoming and effective witnesses for Christ. We trust this book will inspire you to form lasting, meaningful connections.