6 hostage negotiation techniques that will get you what you want from Barking Up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker
There are five steps:
- Active Listening: Listen to their side and make them aware you’re listening.
- Empathy: You get an understanding of where they’re coming from and how they feel.
- Rapport: Empathy is what you feel. Rapport is when they feel it back. They start to trust you.
- Influence: Now that they trust you, you’ve earned the right to work on problem solving with them and recommend a course of action.
- Behavioral Change: They act. (And maybe come out with their hands up.)
This works! It is based on real life hostage and terror situations. For more information, please read the textbook…
Crisis Negotiations, Fifth Edition: Managing Critical Incidents and Hostage Situations in Law Enforcement and Corrections by Michael J. McMains et al.
The 5th Edition of this classic text presents a user-friendly resource for practicing negotiators and a ready reference for courses in crisis management in criminal justice, psychology, and criminology programs.
Eric interviewed an FBI agent who explained what you’re doing wrong.
In all likelihood you usually skip the first three steps. You start at 4 (Influence) and expect the other person to immediately go to 5 (Behavioral Change). That never works!
Carefully consider step 4: “Now that they trust you, you’ve earned the right to work on problem solving with them and recommend a course of action.”
- Now that they trust you. How much do you think you can influence someone if they don’t trust you. Zero! Zip! Nada!
- You’ve earned the right to work. How effective do you think it will be to work with someone before you’ve earned the right? Zero! Zip! Nada!
I’ve know Christians who were actually afraid to do the first three steps because of a twisted application of Galatians 5:9 “A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump.” They interpreted “leaven” to be “corruption” and thus used that verse to prove they would be corrupted by listening to anything they called false doctrine. These Christians excelled at concentrating on step 4: influence. And, I am ashamed to say, I have been also guilty of this in my life. How strange!
Christians have been saved from their sins, set free from death, and sealed by the Holy Spirit. They have been remembered, redeemed, and reconciled. They have been judged, justified, and freed from judgement. They have been set free from bondage by the knowledge of the truth. They have been loved by God, given new life, and commanded to love one another. They cannot be controlled by flesh, compelled by sin, or coerced by man.
What we do see is Jesus, who was given a position “a little lower than the angels”; and because he suffered death for us, he is now “crowned with glory and honor.” Yes, by God’s grace, Jesus tasted death for everyone. God, for whom and through whom everything was made, chose to bring many children into glory. And it was only right that he should make Jesus, through his suffering, a perfect leader, fit to bring them into their salvation. (Hebrews 2:9-10)
Who could possibly listen, with empathy, and build rapport, better than a Christian? Please also read Neither do I condemn thee, The fear of religion is a dangerous trap, and Love one another