I know an older couple who have been married for over 64 years. They fight almost every day because they don’t have love and respect for one another. She doesn’t respect him. She always corrects everything he says. She has cheated on him several times. But, they have stayed together because he really loves her. I don’t mean teenage puppy love. I mean the good times and bad times love. How can one person make such a difference?
Nevertheless each of you must also love [25 agapaó] his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects [5399 phobeó] her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)
- 25 agapaó
- Properly, to prefer, to love; for the believer, preferring to “live through Christ” (1 Jn 4:9,10), i.e. embracing God’s will (choosing His choices) and obeying them through His power. 25 (agapáō) preeminently refers to what God prefers as He “is love” (1 Jn 4:8,16). See 26 (agapē).
With the believer, 25 /agapáō (“to love”) means actively doing what the Lord prefers, with Him (by His power and direction). True 25 /agapáō(“loving”) is always defined by God – a “discriminating affection which involves choice and selection” (WS, 477). 1 Jn 4:8,16,17 for example convey how loving (“preferring,” 25 /agapáō) is Christ living His life through the believer. - 5399 phobeó
- To fear, withdraw (flee) from, avoid. See 5401(phobos)
To reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience. Synonyms: ἐκπλήσσεσθαι to be astonished, properly, to be struck with terror, of a sudden and startling alarm; but, like our astonish in popular use, often employed on comparatively slight occasions; πτόειν to terrify, to agitate with fear; τρέμειν, to tremble, predominantly physical; φόβειν to fear.–Helps Ministries, Inc.
TheDiscoveryBible.com
- Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships by John Gray
- The Power of Prayer™ to Change Your Marriage by Stormie Omartian —Stormie Omartian’s bestselling books on prayer and marriage have touched millions of readers in a life–changing way. The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage helps husbands or wives pray to protect their relationship from 14 serious problems that can lead to unsatisfying marriages or even divorce. For those who are already struggling in these areas, this book will help them find healing and restoration.
Husbands love your wife
Husbands are commanded to love their wife. As Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). As he loves his own flesh (Eph 5:28). Before anything else (Eph 5:31).
Interestingly, husbands are not commanded to respect their wife. I think that’s because men are from Mars. They already have a code of honor that knows how to respect. It’s instinctive. Rarely, do they have to be told how to respect.
But, many husbands are woefully unprepared to love their wives. They didn’t have loveable mother figures in their life. They didn’t have fathers who showed them how to love their wife. They need to learn how to do it. They need to practice love. They need to learn how to excel at love. And, hopefully, they learn it fast enough to not do too much damage along the way.
I have tried to help many men love their wives by describing the love that Jesus Christ had for them.
- Undeserving love: Even when he was sinless and we were dead in sins (Col 2:13)
- Preferential love: He gave up his divine privileges for our sake (Phil 2:7)
- Sacrificial love: He died for our sakes to make us perfect (2 Cor 5:21)
A husband will have successful love for his wife when he can see her through the eyes of Jesus. When he can love her even when she doesn’t deserve it because Jesus loved him when he didn’t deserve it. When he he can prefer her over his own privileges because Jesus prefered him over his own privileges. When he is willing to die for her sake to make her perfect because Jesus died for him.
- Biblical relationship checkup – This Biblical relationship checkup helps couples find where they are on God’s map of a successful marriage and find direction for improvement
- The Bible teaches how to be a godly husband
Wives respect your husband
Wives are commanded to respect their husband. As she submits to the Lord (Eph 5:22). As the church submits to Jesus Christ (Eph 5:24). Before anything else (Eph 5:31).
Interestingly, wives are not commanded to love their husband. I think that’s because women are from Venus. They already have a nurturing nature that knows how to love. It’s instinctive. Rarely, do they have to be told how to love.
But, many wives are woefully unprepared to respect their husbands. They didn’t have respectable father figures in their life. They didn’t have mothers who showed them how to respect their husband. They need to learn how to do it now. They need to practice respect. They need to learn how to excel at respect., And, hopefully, they learn it fast enough to not do too much damage along the way.
I have tried to help many women respect their husbands by describing how they love the Lord Jesus Christ.
- Undeserving respect: He was sinless and we were dead in sins (Col 2:13)
- Preferential respect: He gave up his divine privileges for our sake (Phil 2:7)
- Sacrificial respect: He died for sakes to make us perfect (2 Cor 5:21)
A wife will have successful respect for her husband when she can see the eyes of Jesus in her husband. When she can respect him because she respects Jesus. When she can respect him over herself because Jesus gave up his divine privileges for her sake. When she can respect him because Jesus died for her.
- Love Life for Every Married Couple (how to fall in love, stay in love, rekindle your love) by Ed Wheat — Physician Ed Wheat has helped thousands of couples improve their love-lives and build happier marriages. In Love Life for Every Married Couple, he’ll help you improve your marriage through sharing, touching, appreciating and focusing healing attention on your mate. Answering physical, psychological and stress-related questions in a Christian context, Dr. Wheat demonstrates how to bring your feelings of love back to life.
- The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace — Here is a scripturally based blueprint for the woman who truly desires to be the wife God intended her to be. This book is based on Proverbs 31:10: An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” Thousands of women have already discovered the worth of this volume and testify to lives and marriages changed because of a commitment to the principles presented here. If this is a commitment you have made, or want to make, The Excellent Wife answers the difficult questions facing you today.
Love and respect one another
Can you imagine what that older couple’s relationship could be if they could love one another and submit to one another for Christ’s sake?
Do you see the wonderfully symmetrical model of husbands and wives having love and respect for one another? This was designed by the God of creation who ordained the laws of thermodynamics, physics, mathematics, chemistry, and biology.
The same God who decided that every action should have an equal and opposite reaction, also decided that husbands and wives should love and respect one another. The husband instinctively respects and learns to love. The wife instinctively loves and learns to respect. What a beautiful picture this is. It’s easy for a husband to love a wife who respects him. It’s easy for a wife to respect a husband who loves her.
I talked with a young couple who complained of terrible “communication” problems in their marriage. After a very short time the problem was obvious. He loved his video games more than her. She respected her job more than him. I reminded them of these simple truths. It was beautiful to watch the light dawn in their heart. In leaving he said, “Who would have imagined the solution to our problems is to read the Bible!”
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just like I have loved you; that you also love one another. (John 13:34)
The entire Law is fulfilled in a single decree: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:14)
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:44)
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21)
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
And all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:5b)
- His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Jr. Harley — In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.
- Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs — Reveals the secret to couples meeting each other’s deepest needs–without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without love, and a painful, negative cycle begins.
- Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis by Dr. James Dobson — You’ve forgiven a thousand times. You’ve bent over backwards to make your partner feel loved and accepted. But the only reward for your loyalty has been anger, indifference, infidelity, or abuse. Your spouse may even be ready to walk out the door.
Do you feel like all is lost? Are you ready to give up? There IS still hope.
Dr. James Dobson’s “tough love” principles have proven to be uniquely valuable and effective. Unlike most approaches to marriage crisis, the strategy in this groundbreaking classic does not require the willing cooperation of both spouses. Love Must Be Tough offers the guidance that gives you the best chance of rekindling romance, renewing your relationship, and drawing your partner back into your arms.
Happy Wife, *Longer* Life! Having A Happier Spouse May Add Years To Lifespan, Study Finds — TILBURG, Netherlands — As the old saying goes, “Happy wife, happy life!” It turns out that adage may need to be changed to, “Happy wife (or husband), longer life!” That’s because a new study shows that having a happy spouse is linked to greater longevity.
In fact, researchers say that a spouse’s satisfaction in life predicted a person’s lifespan even more than it did their own overall contentment.
Six months into marriage, I couldn’t think of ONE thing that I liked about my husband – THIS changed everything
Our words have the power to bring life and death! I want to be a woman that my family can’t wait to come home to. Outside our homes, our husbands, friends, and children are being bombarded with negativity. We can be the ones to bolster their sails and bring them joy.