What about divorce?

Divorce is serious. It permanently severs the most intimate marriage relationship. It almost always causes emotional, financial, and practical hardships for children and families. What does the Bible say about divorce? What does God think about divorce? As with many things, it’s a good idea to go to the Old Testament Ten Commandment Law to see what God thinks about something.

God’s righteous law demanded that some heinous sins received the death penalty.

This solved the problem of divorce in those situations because death freed the spouse from the bond of the marriage covenant and allowed them to remarry (Romans 7:2). Therefore, these kinds of sins are automatically grounds for divorce. Among these sins would be the 4 A’s: adultery, purposeful wanton abandonment, injurious physical abuse, and dangerous idolatrous addiction.

“If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil. (Deuteronomy 22:22)

Even though God allows divorce in some situations, it was never his plan

Divorce should not be frivolous. Divorce should not be hasty. Divorce should not be done until the last resort.

I know a young couple, from good looking families, with good testimonies in their communities, who married in the bloom of youth and in the blush of affection. But, their marriage didn’t have deep roots of godly love and commitment. As soon as the honeymoon was over, they began to be disappointed with each other and started looking for their soulmates. Eventually, this led to unfaithful adultery and then divorce and remarriage. But, you know what? Without resolving their heart’s condition, both of their new marriages also failed. After you have divorced “the love of your life” and then “your soulmate” what’s next? How many times must this happen before they turn to God for hope?

Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask,  “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.  Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:13-15 NIV)

“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. (Malachi 2:16 NIV)

 “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel. “I hate the person who covers himself with violence,” says the LORD of Armies. “Be careful not to be unfaithful.”  (Malachi 2:16 GWT)

“For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”  (Malachi 2:16 NASB)

Moses allowed for divorce in some situations because of the hardness of their hearts

This does not provide an authorization for divorce. But, the divorcee can be comforted by knowing that God acknowledges they are free of the marriage bond and free to marry again.

I know a woman whose alcoholic husband abandoned her after many years of physical and emotional abuse and several adulterous relations, including a separate family in another city. Even after all that, she continued living a single celibate life because she believed she was still bound to her husband by permanent bonds of matrimony. Even after suffering from a terrible marriage with a terrible man, she felt God wanted her to continue suffering in loneliness and discouragement. Fortunately for her, about 20 years ago, she realized that God allowed her to be free from that kind of marriage in those kinds of situations. Today, she is happily married to a wonderful man who is fulfilling all the promises that godly marriage can offer.

Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him.  Having discovered something wrong with her,  he writes her a letter of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man. (Deuteronomy 24:1-2)

 because he hath found some uncleanness in her;  something that he disliked, and was disagreeable to him, and which made their continuance together in the marriage state very uncomfortable; which led him on to be very ill-natured, severe, and cruel to her; so that her life was exposed to danger, or at least become very uneasy; in which case a divorce was permitted, both for the badness of the man’s heart, and in favour of the woman, that she might be freed from such rigorous usage. This word “uncleanness” does not signify adultery, or any of the uncleannesses forbidden in Leviticus 18:6; because that was punishable with death, when it could be proved; and where there was only a suspicion of it, the husband might make use of the bitter water: though the house of Shammai seem to take it in this sense; for they say a man might not divorce his wife unless he found her in some unclean thing, something dishonest and wicked, and which they ground upon these words –Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

Jesus Christ made it very clear this was not the best option…

Some Pharisees came to test him. They asked, “Can a man divorce his wife for any reason?” Jesus answered, “Haven’t you read that the Creator made them male and female in the beginning and that he said, ‘That’s why a man will leave his father and mother and will remain united with his wife, and the two will be one’? So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, don’t let anyone separate what God has joined together.”  The Pharisees asked him, “Why, then, did Moses order a man to give his wife a written notice to divorce her?” Jesus answered them, “Moses allowed you to divorce your wives because you’re heartless. It was never this way in the beginning.  I can guarantee that whoever divorces his wife for any reason other than her unfaithfulness is committing adultery if he marries another woman.” (Matthew 19:3-9 GWT)

Marriage means oneness in the fullest possible sense, which is why divorce has such a devastating effect. It doesn’t leave 2 separate people. It leaves 2 separate fractions of a person.

What about one flesh?

There is something mystical and almost magical about “one flesh” that scientists and doctors haven’t quite figure out yet. Apparently, there are about the same number of bacterial cells in our bodies as our own cells. (Scientific American 2016). When humans kiss, have sex,  live together, or even just share food, they share their microbiota. (BioMed Journal 2014) “Now there is hard evidence linking conditions such as autism and depression to the gut’s microbial residents, known as the microbiome. And neuroscientists are taking notice — not just of the clinical implications but also of what the link could mean for experimental design.” (Nature 2014) Who knows what “science” will find tomorrow? But, the creator said…

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9)

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” (1 Corinthians 6:16)

Wherever Jesus was, the people flocked after him in crowds, and he taught them. Preaching was Christ’s constant practice. He here shows that the reason why Moses’ law allowed divorce, was such that they ought not to use the permission; it was only for the hardness of their hearts. God himself joined man and wife together; he has fitted them to be comforts and helps for each other. The bond which God has tied, is not to be lightly untied. Let those who are for putting away their wives consider what would become of themselves, if God should deal with them in like manner. –Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

Like Queen Esther, “Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this? (Esther 4:14)”

Your lifestyle and your testimony may be the witness that brings your spouse to the Lord. But, be very careful you are “bringing” them and not “driving” them; because that never works. After all, “the goodness of God leads you to repentance. (Romans 2:4).” This would be a terrible reason to get married in the first place. But, if this is where you find yourself now, and the Lord gives you the strength and patience, then this might be your mission field…

Wives, in a similar way, place yourselves under your husbands’ authority. Some husbands may not obey God’s word. Their wives could win these men [for Christ] by the way they live without saying anything. Their husbands would see how pure and reverent their lives are. Wives must not let their beauty be something external. Beauty doesn’t come from hairstyles, gold jewelry, or clothes. Rather, beauty is something internal that can’t be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious. After all, this is how holy women who had confidence in God expressed their beauty in the past. They placed themselves under their husbands’ authority as Sarah did. Sarah obeyed Abraham and spoke to him respectfully. You became Sarah’s daughters by not letting anything make you afraid to do good.
Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God’s life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. (1 Peter 3:1-7 GWT)

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