Help for hurting marriages

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Before all else, you must have a right relationship with Jesus Christ. Only through him can you have help for hurting marriages, only through him can you have healing of the relationship with your family, only through him can you have healing of the relationship with your children (1 Corinthians 1:26-31; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 2 Corinthians 5:20-21).

But [Jesus Christ] told me: “My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So I will brag even more about my weaknesses in order that Christ’s power will live in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Before anything else, you must have love one for another. This is not the “uncontrollable” romantic emotional love that you can fall into and fall out of. This is the agapé love of God that is only available from the God Of Love, the Lord Jesus Christ. If you do not have a right relationship with Jesus Christ, you need to stop right now, right where you are, and get right with God.

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:12-13)

If you don’t love your spouse with the kind of love that puts their needs — even their very life — above your own, then your selfishness will destroy your marriage.

If anyone doesn’t take care of his own relatives, especially his immediate family, he has denied the Christian faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)

Once you have taken care of your relationship with Jesus Christ, please prayerfully ponder and meditate on these scriptures about marriage and the family relationship.

God’s plan for marriage

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

Place yourselves under each other’s authority out of respect for Christ. Wives, place yourselves under your husbands’ authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord’s authority. The husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It is his body, and he is its Savior. As the church is under Christ’s authority, so wives are under their husbands’ authority in everything. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. He did this to make the church holy by cleansing it, washing it using water along with spoken words. Then he could present it to himself as a glorious church, without any kind of stain or wrinkle-holy and without faults. So husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. No one ever hated his own body. Instead, he feeds and takes care of it, as Christ takes care of the church. We are parts of his body. That’s why a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will be one. This is a great mystery. (I’m talking about Christ’s relationship to the church.) But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands. (Ephesians 5:21-33)

Whoever finds a wife finds something good and has obtained favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22)

God’s way to resolve problems

However, I want you to realize that Christ has authority over every man, a husband has authority over his wife, and God has authority over Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

So then, get rid of lies. Speak the truth to each other, because we are all members of the same body. Be angry without sinning. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the devil any opportunity [to work]. (Ephesians 4:25-27)

Wives, place yourselves under your husbands’ authority. This is appropriate behavior for the Lord’s people. Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be harsh with them. Children, always obey your parents. This is pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, don’t make your children resentful, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:18-21)

Whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly as though you were working for your real master and not merely for humans. You know that your real master will give you an inheritance as your reward. It is Christ, your real master, whom you are serving. The person who does wrong will be paid back for the wrong he has done. God does not play favorites. (Colossians 3:23-25)

Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God’s life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7)

Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. (1 Peter 3:8)

God’s hatred of divorce

Here is another thing you do: You cover the LORD’s altar with tears. You moan and groan because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them from you. But you ask, “Why [aren’t our offerings accepted]?” It is because the LORD is a witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been unfaithful. Yet, she is your companion, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t [God] make you one? Your flesh and spirit belong to him. And what does the same [God] look for but godly descendants? So be careful not to be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel. “I hate the person who covers himself with violence,” says the LORD of Armies. “Be careful not to be unfaithful.” (Malachi 2:13-16)

“Therefore, everyone who hears what I say and obeys it will be like a wise person who built a house on rock. Rain poured, and floods came. Winds blew and beat against that house. But it did not collapse, because its foundation was on rock. “Everyone who hears what I say but doesn’t obey it will be like a foolish person who built a house on sand. Rain poured, and floods came. Winds blew and struck that house. It collapsed, and the result was a total disaster.” (Matthew 7:24-27)

Some Pharisees came to test him. They asked, “Can a man divorce his wife for any reason?” Jesus answered, “Haven’t you read that the Creator made them male and female in the beginning and that he said, ‘That’s why a man will leave his father and mother and will remain united with his wife, and the two will be one’? So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, don’t let anyone separate what God has joined together.” The Pharisees asked him, “Why, then, did Moses order a man to give his wife a written notice to divorce her?” Jesus answered them, “Moses allowed you to divorce your wives because you’re heartless. It was never this way in the beginning. I can guarantee that whoever divorces his wife for any reason other than her unfaithfulness is committing adultery if he marries another woman.” (Matthew 19:3-9)

God’s protection of marriage

I (not the Lord) say to the rest of you: If any Christian man is married to a woman who is an unbeliever, and she is willing to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any Christian woman is married to a man who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to live with her, she should not divorce her husband. … But if the unbelieving partners leave, let them go. Under these circumstances a Christian man or Christian woman is not bound [by a marriage vow]. God has called you to live in peace. How do you as a wife know whether you will save your husband? How do you as a husband know whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:12-13, 15-16)

As holy people whom God has chosen and loved, be sympathetic, kind, humble, gentle, and patient. Put up with each other, and forgive each other if anyone has a complaint. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Above all, be loving. This ties everything together perfectly. Also, let Christ’s peace control you. God has called you into this peace by bringing you into one body. Be thankful. Let Christ’s word with all its wisdom and richness live in you. Use psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to teach and instruct yourselves about [God’s] kindness. Sing to God in your hearts. Everything you say or do should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12-17)

God’s divine power has given us everything we need for life and for godliness. This power was given to us through knowledge of the one who called us by his own glory and integrity. Through his glory and integrity he has given us his promises that are of the highest value. Through these promises you will share in the divine nature because you have escaped the corruption that sinful desires cause in the world. Because of this, make every effort to add integrity to your faith; and to integrity add knowledge; to knowledge add self-control; to self-control add endurance; to endurance add godliness; to godliness add Christian affection; and to Christian affection add love. If you have these qualities and they are increasing, it demonstrates that your knowledge about our Lord Jesus Christ is living and productive. If these qualities aren’t present in your life, you’re shortsighted and have forgotten that you were cleansed from your past sins. Therefore, brothers and sisters, use more effort to make God’s calling and choosing of you secure. If you keep doing this, you will never fall away. Then you will also be given the wealth of entering into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:3-11)

Dear children, we must show love through actions that are sincere, not through empty words. This is how we will know that we belong to the truth and how we will be reassured in his presence. Whenever our conscience condemns us, we will be reassured that God is greater than our conscience and knows everything. (1 John 3:18-20)

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters. (1 John 4:16-21)

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